Vision Keeping

January 26^th, 2011:  The Rubber Hits the Road

I’m throwing a tantrum.  I’m pissed off and want to yell fuck you at a lot of things and as I’m throwing my tantrum I realize that it is better than feeling victimized which was an old worn out overcoat that was very easy to slip into and wallow in.  I looked at what I previously wrote and realize what a difference a day makes.  I could lift myself out then, I can’t now.  And that pisses me off.

Abraham (see side panel) says that revenge is a better place to be in than depression…I get such satisfaction in seeing all of the health insurance folks hanging by their thumbs and begging my forgiveness and I just say, “you’ve got to be kidding me,” and walking way, putting them on hold….pun intended.

But the tantrum feels not good, and I’m angry that I’m feeling this way as well.  The only thing that soothes me in some way and it isn’t a lot but it will do, is that I know that what I’m going through is important and, in fact, I could see it coming.

I got back from my magnificent cruise to New Zealand and the fumes of that cruise kept me aloft for several days last week after my return.

It’s been nearly two years since my departure from my career as a non profit exec…a departure which left me on the matt for some time.  Now I recognized for some time that I was not prepared to return to any kind of work.  And, more that that, I wanted my next arena of work to be one that was inspired from within and something that would just ring my chimes.  And, in fact, I have had the feeling now and again, that this chapter of my life is going to be the best yet.  I knew it might take a year or two to really feel ready for something new and while I have wrestled with my own expectation that “I should be working” I knew underneath that I was not ready…and besides I had stuff to do.

I began a blog, I was learning and growing so much internally, I was taking cruises with Abraham and took my own personal walk about last fall.

But now it feels like the rubber is hitting the road.  I’m back from my latest adventure, its 2011 and nearly two years since my goodbye to a passionate mission.  I’m feeling ready.  I want to do something.  But the Universe must have a different time table because what I thought was going to play out is not moving.

I’m in limbo and it has come down to that question of being okay with me…alright more than okay.  Can I be loving of myself and feeling good about me when I don’t have the “doing” to define me and give me a sense of worthiness?

About an hour ago I was outside walking my wonderful dog/friend and this big man was coming into my building looking troubled.  He was lost and was also appearing to be a bit intellectually challenged.  I talked with him, gave him the directions I thought he needed and off he went.  I was still outside when he approached me on the sidewalk.  His face just glowed and he waved a piece of paper at me and said he had found what he was looking for and thanked me profusely.  I felt the tears on my cheeks dripping down my face.  His appreciation touched me but more than that…I felt useful and thought to myself how badly I need to justify my right to BE.

Okay, okay, it does feel good to help but I cannot define myself by that.  I don’t have to prove my worthiness. 

I am worthy because I exist, because I am God force in a physical body and until I accept that I am perfect just the way I am I will truly never get to where I want to go.  And I want to GO big time.  I want my own personal Super Bowl.  (Yea, Packers.)

So, as I watch me going through this very tough time, watch the tantrum, the tears, the grief, the whatever it is that I’m going through I think that it’s a good thing.  Not only a good thing but a gift I give to myself or that Source gives to me to get me to an even better place.  I’ll let you know.

With Love, Connie

I seriously want to move to New Zealand!  The minute I stepped off the plane in Auckland I felt the pull.   I’m back in Milwaukee now and was flying high on fumes from a wonderful cruise in New Zealand, a jaw dropping experience with Abraham (see side panel) and armed with new desires and choices.

I’m in limbo today and I don’t like it.  That space between wonderful and what’s next without a clue.  On top of that the “wonderful”  included summer in New Zealand and it’s bitter winter in Milwaukee and I’m watching the snowflakes travel horizontally past my window.

When I get in a space I don’t like I return to what I know for sure.  What I do know is that this so called “reality” which includes the horizontally travelling snow flakes is actually past tense.  I must keep remembering that.  Everything is vibration before it manifests.  Everything is thought first.  In fact thought is the smallest particle of matter.  (I really encourage a trip to What the Bleep do We Know in either movie or book form to get your brains around that.)  When thought manifests into form as in the “reality” around you it is your past tense.  

What is truly present tense is in your Vortex of creation…that place where your Source energy resides.  We are primarily vibrational, Source energy and a piece of us is focused here in physical reality yet the larger part of us is that Source/God force energy.  Abraham says that humans have “what-is-itis”.  We are so wedded to what we are seeing, touching, tasting and smelling that we become distracted from who we really are, Source Energy in physical bodies.

So, when I come back to Milwaukee after a literally mind/life altering experience I get too wrapped up in what is and forget that I am Source Energy and most of me is not concerned with Milwaukee but is living in my creative real time or my Vortex of creation.  That is the place where I’m wanting to go, where, through a lifetime of knowing what I DO want by discovering what I DON”T want I have collected and amassed an abundance of what it is that I’m wanting.  For those desires to manifest I must become a vibrational match to everything I’ve put there which, in the here and now translates into feeling very VERY good about who I am and where I’m going.  It means getting in touch with the God Force that I am.

So, my work today is to lift myself vibrationally out of the Milwaukee reality around me and lift myself to that Connie who is much bigger than what is around me and feel myself, take the emotional journey to who I really am and where all that I have lived has amassed for me.  I am THAT Connie first and foremost, and when the cruise is over, when the external excitement fades, that is the time to remind myself to who I really am.

And that is a very good thing.  In fact to be able to feel good and not have how I’m feeling dependent on what or who is around me is my goal.  Becasue when  I can truly get there, everything else  I want  follows as well.  It’s the Law of Attraction.  When I am a match to what it is I’m wanting it has to come.  It is Law.

And when I DO remember who I am, it is such a high, and I’m getting a glimpse of it as I’m writing.  When I feel that high, the gap closes between my physical self and my Source self.   And I feel at one with Source.  That high feeling is why we came.   To be in physical bodies and yet feel the Source energy that we truly are.   It’s creating at its best!  It is truly who we are.

I want to thank all readers for your kind comments.  They are a boost to me when I need it and  feel really, really good.  Cheers, Mates!

With Love, Connie

January 12^th, 2011:  Nothing is Worth Losing Connection with Source

Imagine sitting in bed in the morning light and looking out the deck doors to the ocean and feeling the hum of the ship engines and the rocking of the sea.  Add a cup of coffee with thick Australian cream and that’s just got to be the best.  Oh, and add feeling in the Vortex or at one with Source energy and we’re ready for take off.,

If there is one thing that has sunk in more deeply on this cruise is that nothing, I mean NOTHING is more important than my own connection to my Source energy which feels wonderful.  It is alignment with my wholeness.  It is what we’re after when we use substances or behaviors to fill a void.  It feels like the high you’ve been looking for and which has been elusive or gone when the drugs wear off or when the purchase is old. 

Abraham (see side panel) calls this feeling being in the Vortex.

And it’s not so difficult to achieve.  It is just practice, really.  We know the feeling.  We just think that the feeling belongs with events outside of us…a birth, a wedding, falling in love.  We have attached those high flying emotions to something that happens to us rather than something that is a natural state of being.

Even saying that this wonderful sense of Being is our natural state probably sounds like snake oil.  Because most of us were trained away from this excitement and feelings of freedom when we were children and by the time we are adults the outside world or what we have come to call “reality” has taken over our ability to connect internally with who we really are.

So, returning to that natural state requires quieting the “reality” around you.  Meditation and breathing are the best ways.  And when you do find yourself feeling really really good just milk it for all it’s worth.  Sit on that good feeling and just enjoy the hell out of it and because of the Law of Attraction you will attract other good feelings.

I’ve skimmed over a lot here to get to my point:  nothing is worth the loss of that internal connection.  To truly live this one must be willing to Be the center of your universe.  Remember when your mother said “the world doesn’t revolve around you.”  Yes, it does!  And that’s not a bad thing because when you are aligned with your Source energy, that means you are aligned with Love and when you are aligned with Love then you are nice to be around.

(Narcissism is not being aligned with Love…it is being aligned with a fear based idea that we really are not seen in a basic sense.)

So, when I feel myself becoming anxious about what I want to do on the ship, I remind myself that nothing trumps me being in alignment and the anxiety goes away.  When I feel some concern emerging that I should be having dinner with friends instead of reading a book I remind myself about my own alignment and the concern evaporates.  And that’s just the small stuff.  It’s also not worrying about your money, your kids, your job…whatever.,

Because if you are in alignment everything you want will come to you in a way that is uniquely perfect to you. 

I’m observing that ride for me and it is spectacular!  It’s why I came.  It’s why we all came.

I remember a bible verse from my early fundamentalist days…”Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all else shall be added unto you.”

 With love from the Tasman Sea, Connie

January 5^th, 2011:  The Energy of Abraham

I’m happily writing from the Diamond Princess somewhere off the coast of New Zealand and I feel wonderful.    I love cruising but cruising with fellow “Abrahamsters” (from Abraham see side panel) it is an amazing adventure.  The princess theater holds 700 people and every seat is taken by this seminar.

You can find the full story of how Abraham came into being through Jerry and Esther Hicks’ books or through their website at www.abraham-hicks.com, so I won’t go into it but suffice it to say that Abraham is a group of non physical teachers who are channeled through Esther.  This journey with Jerry and Esther Hicks began nearly 30 years ago and in the beginning, before Abraham, Esther didn’t want anything to do with the whole “paranormal” realm.

 So at these seminars, Jerry introduces Esther and then Esther stands at a podium and with her eyes closed and with relaxing and allowing the energy of Abraham to come through they can talk “through” her.  She is what Jerry calls the happy medium.  Abraham is pure source energy and they always say that even though Esther has found a way to “allow “ their energy to flow through her that any of us can do this.

 I think the closest I have allow Source energy to flow through me, my Source, is during meditation or during an especially awe inspiring event but I’m getting closer and closer to raising my energy in an overall way.

 On this cruise,  I can feel my energy really buzzing in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time.  When we can get away from our “normal” environment to a more relaxing space we can allow ourselves to move to higher vibrational levels.  I feel like I’m moving faster internally in a very pleasing way.

 Now when I take this faster moving me and put me in the presence of Abraham, now that is incredible.  Abraham is pure Source energy and being close to them raises my own energy substantially.  I find my body tingling and sometimes feeling a bit numbed but in the most pleasant sort of way.  When I actually talked to them directly my teeth were humming.

 So at a seminar, after Esther has called up the energy of Abraham, Abraham gives an opening address to set the stage and then accepts questions from the audience,  I  have lots of questions for them and ask for their take on my future endeavors and if they have anything to add.

Talking with infinite intelligence is an amazing experience.  And because everything happens vibrationally, first, before it manifests, they always say that this seminar has already come together through the asking by all of us and now it is manifesting as it should.

My dreams have already come together vibrationally as well and when I’m a match for that energy they will manifest.  This morning as I bask in the wonderful energy of this cruise, laying in a luxurious bed, looking out the cabin doors to the sea, drinking my morning coffee, I had the “zap” knowing that now is my time to have what I’m wanting and that knowing felt superb.

 With Love from Down Under, Connie

January 2, 2011:  More of me Down Under

How can it be possible to miss a day?  I got on an Air New Zealand flight from L.A. last night, New Year’s Eve and woke up on January 2, 2011.  I know, I know…the     International Date Line bit but it still blows my mind.  Not only did I not experience the day of January 1^st but that I could now be in New Zealand.

BTW, Air New Zealand is a gem.  I purchased a “premium coach” ticket and it was worth every dollar of the $1,500 extra it cost me.  For 14 hours in the air I got to sit up on the 2^nd floor of the 747 and get treated like a queen.  The food and drink bountiful, the entertainment technology amazing with about 50 movies at my command along with TV and games, etc.  Flight Attendants with their New Zealand accents- wonderful.  Just like my old Midwest Airlines back home in Milwaukee that was gobbled and beaten up.

Somewhere in the last two days I realized at a deeper level how much I need to give to people.  Not because I’m an altruist because I don’t believe in altruism, but because I need to, to be fully who I am.  Abraham (see side panel) says we can only know who we are through others.  I’m really understanding that.

Plus I have a lot to give and as I get older I care less about what others think of me in some ways.  I mean I care that I think I look fat but I don’t care what I say to people so much.

For example, in my new mode of being more of me I told a young woman who was waiting on me at the bank how pretty she was and we just had the best conversation and I left the bank feeling great.

On my Air New Zealand flight I took every chance I could to tell the flight attendants how great their airline was and how appreciative I was of them and they were so kind and attentive.

I look at people with more love in my heart when I can and it truly does come back.  We need this.  I need this.  We cannot believe everything CNN, MSNBC, ABC tells us about the world or it looks rather bleak.  The real news is what is going on every day in every city that is more filled with love and giving and human kindness, than who shot whom, and who got creamed on the expressway this afternoon, and what substance is going to kill us now.

You see it’s just all what we want to focus upon that creates our reality.  And I don’t want the TV news to dictate my reality.  Actually I stopped watching TV news and reading newspapers years ago and watch very little TV.  It’s literally better for my health.  We ARE what we focus upon. Much more that what we eat.

So, being more of who I am is creating more positive energy in my life and actively doing that feels really good.  Also New Zealand has wonderful energy.  It has very little discrimination, poverty, crime.  It was not built on the back of slavery.  HHMMmmm..  Now there’s a topic of negative energy creating more and creating a negative reality.

With love from New Zealand, Connie